Small Victories

You guys, something amazing happened today. I took a shower AND I emptied the dishwasher (and I’m sitting here writing this… hoorah!).

I know you might be thinking right now that I’ve lost my mind and you’re putting the pieces together that my long absence must have been related to a stint in the looney bin, and you’re pretty much right… because motherhood.

I’m not sure what other mothers’ experience of motherhood is like, but mine can be summed up like this: I am a happy mess.

Since the birth of my son nine months ago, this is the first chance I’ve had to sit and write (and I’m really hoping I don’t jinx it by him waking up before I’m done writing this). For the first couple of months, I showered on average once every four days and nearly fell asleep on my son every time I nursed him. Nowadays I do get a daily shower… late at night after my baby’s in bed and dinner’s been eaten (and my husband falls asleep trying to wait up for me). I have gray hairs that I never had before, circles under my eyes that I never had before, and twenty extra pounds I’m still lugging around. I live in leggings, maternity bras, and breastfeeding-friendly tops. I try not to cringe at the sight of myself in every photo and remind myself that vanity will only result in my not being in any photos with my baby, which I will regret exponentially more than looking fat or tired in them. I also look clownishly happy in every photo, which I totally am.

So back to today’s small victory… My baby’s never been a napper and I’ve never tried to assert a naps on him. It would surely be easier on me if I did, and discipline and routine is good for kids, I know this, but he’s a happy little guy and I’m convinced he has FOMO. Often times he’ll fall asleep on my lap while nursing only to be awoken by a strange new sound (he sleeps through all the familiar sounds), whereby he pops his head up, flailingly tries to sit up, and cranks his head looking for the source of the sound. He’s super curious about the world around him, and he’s very observant. He loves people and thrives on getting attention. On the rare occasion that someone doesn’t automatically notice him and gush over him, he’ll grab their attention by saying say “hi” (which sounds more like a hilariously flirty “heeeey”). For this reason, he (and he alone) loves the insanely long line at Whole Foods… there are so many people for him to flirt with!

Today, we had our first water babies swim class, which is quite possibly the cutest thing ever. He love, love, loved the water and giggled and screeched with delight all the while. Even when the teacher volunteered him to demonstrate how to dunk their heads in the water, he had a moment of shock, but he didn’t cry – he was too busy soaking in the attention of the parents cheering and clapping for him. He really is the best thing ever! Also the best thing ever was that some combination of the exercise and the chlorine fumes made him pass out afterwards where he actually didn’t notice that he’s no longer on my lap and in his crib, hence… this!

…And as if right on cue, he’s waking up now and calling out “ma ma ma,” which is my bat signal to go. This may not have been my greatest blog post ever, but hey I’m happy to be back (and showered in the middle of the day!), and hope to be back writing again next week. We have so much to catch up on!

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