I never knew how much of a feminist I was until it came time to address my wedding invitations.

As it turns out, the rule is that married couples are to be referred to in writing as Mr. and Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName (Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, for example). There is apparently no other established proper way. There is one right and it’s so very wrong, if you ask me. Now, I couldn’t be prouder to be becoming my fiance’s wife, but please don’t anyone ever call me Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName. Is my identity supposed to disappear when I get married? (We all know that aint gonna happen.)

Seriously though, ever since I discovered this rule, I’ve been semi-obsessed with finding a new rule, a modern rule, a non-sexist rule to overrule the outdated Emily Post BS rule. And lo and behold, I can’t find it. I’ve found chat forums debating about it, a weird, unconventional wedding website with a suggestion about it, and basically I’ve been on my own to figure out a better way.

News flash, all ways are better ways if the woman’s name is not omitted. But frankly, nothing sounds quite right. I changed my mind no less than three times and drove a mom and calligrapher mad in the process. (What’s a little Bridezilla-ness between loved ones?) In the end, I settled for the option I could best live with, and felt good about the decision to make my own rule and not be pressured into doing the traditional thing.

After all, tradition isn’t always a good thing. Tradition for a long while was that women didn’t have a right to vote, they were second class citizens, mere property of their fathers and then their husbands. Am I taking it too far? Maybe. But it’s undeniably the truth (and still the case in many cultures). And I’ve always been one to do things my own way. I’m sure that Emily Post and I would never have been friends – I’m too independent and have way too cool a name to ever give up.

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