Champagne Wishes and Pancake Batter Dreams

Sometimes it dawns on me that I’m a contradiction in human form – I’m typically pretty challenging (ie: not difficult if you try) to please, but sometimes, I’m damn near the easiest person in the world to please. Case in point, today. I walk into the health food store, and do what I often do in food-centric markets – I happily look at food. If you’re not a foodie, you likely have no idea what the appeal of “food porn” is, and it’s in a lot of ways an act of desperation to look for “porn” in a health food store, but what can I say, I’m making the most of my circumstances.

After perusing the ready-made foods section, I decided to mosey on over to the “bar” and accidentally heckle the “bartender” for a while (Yes, I said bar. This is LA and the hippie grocery store literally has a bar with a bartender and a chalkboard menu of drink specials made with intoxicating green superfoods). Let me preface by saying that I wasn’t in a bad mood or looking for a confrontation of any sort – I’m just an inquisitive person and some may say, opinionated. I saw these ambiguous numbers on the board, so I innocently asked, “Are those numbers written next to the drinks, the prices?” And he replied yes. And then I said “You have a drink that costs $30? How big is that?” To which he matter-of-factly replied, “It’s not the size, it’s the quality of the ingredients.” I nodded my head (more in bewilderment that any semblance of agreement) and replied, “Oohhh…” Followed by, “And how many ounces is that $30 drink, just curious?”

Guess how many ounces?

Twelve. Twelve! That’s $2.50 per ounce. Does gold even cost that much?

After the shock of that bit of knowledge wore off, I went back to my happy place of browsing the aisles, which are a source of utter fascination for me. I never knew so many forms of alternate cooking oils and sweeteners existed, so many types of grains, so many gluten replacements and natural thickening agents. But nothing fascinated me as much as a miraculous find – on par with the discovery of the Americas, the solar system, Penicillin! This treasure called… “Batter Blaster.” It’s pancake batter in a can, Reddi Wip style. Except this stuff is made with organic ingredients, so I could actually bring myself to buy it. I can make a pancake (or waffle!) at will any time I want. I can make just one (ONE!) pancake for dessert later just because. I. can.

See, told ya I’m easy to please.


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