There’s no business like snow business

They’re predicting ten to twenty inches of snow overnight. Given that I don’t ever check the weather report, I only know about this through my friends on Facebook who are posting status messages regarding stocking up. I’ve heard stories of this frantic public despair, this snowfear, my whole life, as late breaking news reports interrupted my regularly scheduled broadcasting to inform me that Walmart has run out of milk.

Oh my god, no milk!! How will we SURVIVE without MILK?!

I don’t get it. I mean, I would get it if I or anyone I know lived on a remote mountaintop or backwoods country farm, but I come suburban roots. No one I know lives more than five miles from at least three grocery stores. It’s an irrational panic as far as I’m concerned, and on top of that, if I thought I was going to be stranded in my home, unable to have so much as a Domino’s pizza delivered to me, then I’d probably not be going for something as perishable as milk. I swear it’s a conspiracy between the press and the dairy farmers of America. If it were me, I’d be loading up on can’t-live-without items like saltines, macaroni and cheese, and chocolate-covered pretzels. Maybe some toilet paper if I was down to the last roll, and some NyQuil, just for fun. And a sled. Definitely a sled.


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