I had a little laundry mishap today. I waited until the last minute to wash basically everything I own. I lugged my 20-pound basket of laundry two blocks to my laundromat, only to find out they are closed until Monday due to machine cleaning. Oh boy, so now what? I could try the old laundromat I used to go to before I knew about this far superior one, but the problem (well, in addition to the alcohol and body odor from the homeless couple that lives inside the laundromat) was that I didn’t have quarters or even cash, and the bank was closed, and there is no change machine in the facility. So I had no choice but to drop off my laundry and have them do it for me. I went to the closest place I could find, which is on my street, and was immediately wigged out by the creepy owner guy who stared at me like he was going to eat me alive. Needless to say, desperate times call for desperate measures, and I had to entrust this overtly sexual and strange man with my undergarments.
As the day went on, I tried to put thoughts of him doing strange things with my underwear out of my mind (although, not a far-fetched thought at all), because really, what could I do? If I had premeditated this laundry trip, I could have been paranoid and inventoried my delicates, but what good would that have done anyway? And besides, if something did turn up missing, was I really going to want to have that conversation with him?
So I pick my laundry up and it all seems in order. This don’t-do-it-yourself laundry business aint so bad actually, I’m thinking as I unpack the uniformly folded shirts and paired up socks from my bag. But then I get to the undies, and something unexpected has ocurred. Each and every single one is folded into a perfect origami square. This was some real talent – I mean, these thongs could be used as hackeysacks – they are bundled so tight! And they take up so little space in my drawer! Now, I’m not going to mention, or dwell on how long each undie had to have beeen manhandled to achieve these little cotton buns – I just don’t wanna think about that.